But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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