oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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