I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
