Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
