3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
