I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
