the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
