I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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