I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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