i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
NoShamevember. You game?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
