Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
