Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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