I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
