Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
