I am full of burrito and curiosity
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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