i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize