Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
