i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
