you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
