so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize