Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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