It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You took a bar mat shot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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