Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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