i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
