Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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