Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize