The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
