I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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