If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
