is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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