She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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