all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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