You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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