AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
