he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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