I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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