I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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