Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
