your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
