Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize