He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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