What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
