Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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