Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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