I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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