16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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