I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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