the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
