Where did you get a picture of my penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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