You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
