True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
