so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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