i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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