Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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