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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

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• (323): View more from California

  I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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• (904): View more from Florida

  When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Boobs speak an international language.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  where are you?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.

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• (925): View more from California

  I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!

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• (760): View more from California

  We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.

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• (626): View more from California

  Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.

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