don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
