they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
