wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
