Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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