I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
