return my video game
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
