I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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