Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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