Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize