From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize