apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
