I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize