Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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