dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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