I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
