"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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