If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
