I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
FUCK WHALES
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
