Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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