My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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