That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
