weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
