The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
