And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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