i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
