And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
