how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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