Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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