Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize