when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
