Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize