His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
