just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
