grandma shit on top of the toilet
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
