Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
