Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
