You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
