she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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