i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so let's talk penis.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
