Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
