The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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