Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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