Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
