Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
