Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
