you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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