theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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