Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
