Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
