Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
