I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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