More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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