we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
