My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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