CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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