Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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